Psychologically speaking… did Carrie get it right?

Predictability for Mr Big at the end of Carrie Bradshaw’s blog on Sex in the City came after many failed attempts … however, she did eventually find her Prince charming …. Disney predicted one prince meets one princess .. the end!

Disney expected us to kiss one frog, from the first pond and find the Prince the first time round …
Ummmmm… due to social construct this may not be possible! We love to love our dreams (like Disney) and we do not want to accept the reality … that we choose the natural and obvious choice that suits us, usually from the pond that we are in … plus one that is socially acceptable to our friends and family!

So accepting that we go along with the ‘Beckhams’ style cereal packet nuclear family …. We all know that this is not the ‘norm’ today we now hold on to our desires … our desire such as the dirty dancing love affair which becomes more socially acceptable as more people become cougar’s or manther’s …. Seeking the destiny to become connected with similar people.

With social constructs breaking down through social media and our ability to change our profile pictures to project a more youthful appearance and a more publicly acceptable status of how we want other people to perceive ourselves …

Kuss and Griffiths (2011) and Ryan, Chester, Reece, Xenos (2014) correlated that relationship maintenance is the key to identifying that a social network addiction like facebook is the key. Is your social contrsuct now to be built upon that? Highly likely! Most relationships are prone to failure due to the unrealistic ideas we have of what love is and what we expect ….

Have you experienced a realationship breakdown through your unrealistic expectations?

Psychologically speaking …. Or should this be statistically speaking the odds are NOT against us ….

There are so many different models for how we meet or fall in love and the theories are endless!
As our previous blog on this crazy subject of singledom the evolutionary gap has not changed much. Both men and women apply different strategies when selecting their partners however, it is still highly biased in some areas.

According to Buss (1989) women value resource based characteristics upon selection whilst men prefer the attraction of a women and her youth!

The ‘Matching Hypothesis Theory’ developed by Walster et.al, 1966, stated that relationships which have the most attractive partners also evaluate on similarity.

Not everyone can afford to match their criteria of attractiveness and need to evaluate their own personal attractivess could it be that we may be just need to search around in our own pond… will this really get us what we want?

The one thing we cannot underestimate is the value of ‘self-worth’ yes a notion that most Disney Princess did not question and merrily lived happily ever after. Why not try to see where you are personally …. You may need to look at yourself and love yourself before falling for another and asking them to make you happy! http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/quizzes/selfesteem

What is your outcome on this? Have you been surprised by yout results? If tou consider yourself to have low self esteem then work on yourself before meeting someone else …

Why not become your own modern day Disney Princess and step out the so called ‘norm’?
Departing from the ‘norm’ means you meet the abnormal …. this could mean that the relationship becomes ‘maladaptive’ you begin to cause distress or socially start to disregard the other person. Freud noted that we are ‘normal on the average’ the ego says different .. we can be normal in one part of our lives but different in other just like the fairy tale bliss we so seek.

According to Elizabeth Brake (2012) a renound philosopher at Arizona State Un iversity states that ‘Amatonormativty’ it is normal for society to have a relationship. That this is universal. All humans want and aspire to love as depicted by Disney and Carrie Bradshaw almost gave up! Society is expecting us to have this magical partner and everlasting love.
If you just go with the flow you may continue to be in the wrong relationship and lacking in your own self worth and into a spiral of negativity.

Anything other than this is to be considered abnormal!!!
Life long monogamy does not suit everyone and maybe some people just prefer many rather than one. Could this concept be used to explain why some choose to go from one partner to the next with no break inbetween?

Take for instance, Carrie Jenkins an interdisciplinary philosospher was happy to be on her own however, the problem being she fell in love with two people. She married and still continued to have a boyfriend (https://www.carriejenkins.net/).

This may not be the norm for society however, she considers this to be perfectly normal. She has the biological machine in her husband and has romantic love for both partners simultaneousley. Maybe Carrie Jenkins has found her Beast and Gaston in 2 rather than trying to find it in 1 partner.

Socially we are now more accepting of the abnormal ….. the major drawback here is that people often consider other peoples opinions before their own. The social media networks are now breaking down all social consructs. Open relationships are becoming popular. Some partners are now justifying the fact that they are working late and may be secretly desiring someone else.

So there we have it another debate.. monogamy vs polymonogamy (more than 1 partner)
Does that mean polymonogamy could now be the future of successful relationships?

Would you consider more than 1 partner to satisfy your criteria and make you find your own Disney bliss?

With so many different aspects to consider … what is your choice …
Disney Princess or Snow White? Even snow white had 7 admirers all needing her attention!

Pschologically speaking there is no easy road but it appears everyone can find their prince charming or their goddess of love…. Or maybe just be single and enjoy yourself and aspire to being the best you!

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Psychologically speaking being single in your 30’s or 40’s is no Disney wonderland …..

There are only two certainties in this world! Life and death!

It’s the part between the 30 – 45’s that throws us all!

Born into a world without care, becoming a school cop out or a high achiever then before you know it work beckons and bang you’re in your fairy bliss relationship as depicted by your favourite Disney princess story or you are escalating into depression and seeing a prescription drug as the answer!

Cinderella_and_Prince_Charming

Welcome this is your life …. and about to reassess your life! 30 + and your thinking is this is it … sat watching sex and the city idolising Carrie Bradshaw and her friends!

Writing this blog is making us think we are Carrie Bradshaw but more like two people from a British soap opera … resembling the likes of Liz McDonald (Coronation Street) or Peggy Mitchell from (Eastenders). Both these characters are stereotypically represented as strong older single females, providing for their families with strong traditional values. However, both are broken in some way by love and family problems.

CARRIE-BRADSHAW

However, we are stuck in a society built up on social construct.

At 30+ you may be more inclined to feel like Merida from Disney’s Brave. A feminist Princess who chooses her path and will not conform to the regular behaviour model of the stereotypical Disney princess.

It’s our interpersonal relationships that really gravitate on our grey matter in our 30’s to our mid 40’s that really start to take hold.

It is known by Psychologists and every therapist that without good, practical and sometimes heart stopping relationship’s things tend to send us spiralling into the what if phase?

So, what is an interpersonal relationship? According to the propinquity effect the people who we encounter the most, we are more likely to become friends with and potentially a lover, this can be through person to person or long distance. So, do we now really have to get off our settee, turn off the soaps and step out of our comfort zone into a new reality brought on by our new technology of meeting other people? Yes, we do! A dating site might be for you. (http://www.elitesingles.co.uk).

As the famous saying goes ‘opposites attract’ however, is this necessarily true? Do we really?

Psychologically speaking we tend to be attracted to whom we share similarities with such as our values, attitudes and our life style characteristic’s … is this true? Or do we just sit in the pond we live in and wait for the local fish to swim past? Is it not time to jump out of the pond and into the stream, travel the river and find the sea?

A recent study by Hudson and Fraley referred to the big 5 personality traits. These five include extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, emotional stability and openness to experience. Test yours for free (http://www.truity.com). Disney did not depict this!

Partners like to like each other in agreeableness and stability and will be more satisfied in their relationships …

We go out and buy a lotto ticket each week in the hope that our dreams will come true, so we will be able to buy the perfect house, drive the dream car, go on holiday to your most desired destination, or to ask permission off our boss who never shows us any appreciation for the work we do. Shall we now not seek to do the same in our relationships?

The chances of winning the lottery in the UK are 1 in 45,057,474! In 2016 the current estimated single status in the UK (http://www.nationalstatistics.gov.uk) is that 1/3 of population is single. So, what are we waiting for? Our knight in shining armour bearing his shield of strength or Freya the Goddess of love … with her magical wings, and her power of fertility for the ever-seeking the evolutionary male ….

Set aside the probability of you finding the one and take heed for the psycho-dynamic approach. Or take the evolutionary explanation for relationships where history has taught us that both men and women are attracted to different characteristics to maximise the success rate in reproduction. Women are attracted to strong men as we see them as providers who will keep us safe whereas men are attracted to women with wider pelvises as these are child bearing qualities.

However, one of the most important things to pay attention to is the equity in love. This is where you both want each other to be happy and in doing so makes you become happier in within yourself and the feeling continues, a beautiful continuum of the Disney theme. Directing your focus to them and them to you will do so in return working together to form a unity … Now that’s Disney …

snow white

‘life is not a spectator sport if watchin’ is all ya goin’ do … then ya gonna watch ya life go by without you’

If you have any issues you would like us to address please feel free to comment, we look forward to hearing how you as a reader feel about this topic?